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I live with a chronic headache. Yes chronic as in never goes away – I’ve had it since 1997. It’s always with me; it just varies in intensity. In fact I’ve named it – I call it Harold. I figure if you live with something 24/7 it should have a name. Harold can get in the way, in fact he can really affect my freedom to be spontaneous with the hubby. I know most people find it hard to talk about these things but it’s a part of life – heck the human race wouldn’t continue if we didn’t procreate!
Romance wasn’t always this challenging. In the glory days of our marriage everything was easy; we were young and in love. I was 21 when I met my husband and he was 29. We dated for 6 weeks and he proposed. The wedding followed nine months later – no babies, just timing! It was a magical time – I knew on our first date that he was the man for me. It took him a few more dates. Aaaah for the halcyon days when I was healthy and nothing stood in the way of passion except our work schedules. Looking back on our 32 years together I should have appreciated the early days more because 13 years in I started having my health problems. Then came the two brain surgeries, having to leave work and well, Harold.
Since then I’ve adjusted to a new normal. So has my husband. We totally changed our life. Less stress, more time together. The move into the fifthwheel was probably one of the smartest things we could have done. It let us really see the country and find a new place to live. I really enjoyed all of our travels. We saw so many beautiful places – including visiting the Grand Canyon twice. It’s a place you really need to see to appreciate. The hubby hiked to the bottom.
We visited many of the country’s National Parks in our travels including Glacier in what ultimately became our new home state. I learned to manage Harold but it took several years – I went through more medications than I can count until my doctors finally came up with a cocktail that worked. I also learned some guided meditation techniques to help handle the pain.
But life isn’t all sunshine and roses. There are days that I can barely make it out of bed. When my headache gets really bad it triggers severe nausea and I can’t do anything but sleep it away. After one of these days I’m listless and tired for three days afterward.
You can only imagine what it must be like for my poor husband. He’s living with a woman WHO ALWAYS HAS A HEADACHE! Talk about a cliche. That isn’t so very romantic is it. Gotta love getting to have an early retirement with all of this time with the man I love and then not being able to erm, enjoy it to the fullest. To add insult to injury my pain medications also contributed to sending me into early menopause at 43. Let’s just say that all that drying out stuff that the commercials talk about for ladies in their sixties happened to me before I was 50.
What to do? I am still very attracted to my husband and while we might have slowed down a little as we’ve aged it doesn’t mean we still don’t want to have our romantic times. That’s why I’m glad I’ve learned about the new K-Y® Liquibeads. They are made to be used a couple of times a week to keep things erm, less than dry, I can say that I’m very happy with how they have worked.
There are no complicated instructions involved with using them. (If you are pregnant or nursing check with your doctor before trying the Liquibeads.)
You just pop the ovule of personal lubricant into the applicator and it’s as easy to use as a tampon. I find that I’m ready for a date night whenever Harold recedes enough to let me.
Sometimes there are other problems that prohibit romance that have nothing to do with whether my body is cooperating. Sometimes two people and four cats in one bed is four cats too many. (Only two decided to “help” me with this post.)
How can I not love a man that has stayed with me through all of the hell of my health problems. He has never wavered. We have been together for 32 years, well 33 if you count the time before we were married. We have had our good times and bad but through it all we have remained committed to each other. It might take a little planning and some real spontaneity due to Harold and his freakish ways of ruining my plans but with K-Y® Liquibeads I have the help my body needs.
I found them in the Family Planning aisle of Walgreens but they are easy to find at Walmart and Target as well.
My life certainly hasn’t been everything I dreamed it would be. The two of us chuckle sometimes at where we are now. If someone had told us 20 years ago that we would be living on a farm in Montana raising goats we would have laughed until we cried and yet here we are. Nor did I expect to be living with a chronic illness and constant pain but you make the best of what life gives you and do what you can. You take advantage of the good days and do what you can to get through the bad. I am beyond lucky to be married to my husband. He is my partner, my love and my passion.
How do you keep things romantic?